Life in the Wer & Wifdom

Us on our honeymoon in Montreal.  These photos JUST went up on Facebook today -
I'm neglecting our wedding stuff everywhere, not just here!

Raise your hand if you forgot this blog existed.  Yeah, me too, apparently.  We're coming up on our year-and-a-half anniversary (on Boxing Day!) and this poor blog hasn't seen a post for like a month-and-a-half.  Sad.

The thing is, as Ferris Buehler told us in 1986, life moves pretty fast.  Justin's been home from his deployment for four months now, but they feel like they went by on hyperdrive.  I'm still working three jobs, he's job-hunting, getting ready to start grad school in January, and getting back into a regular army training schedule.  Plus there's the house, the dog, the family, the holidays . . . yadda yadda yadda.

There's also the fact that I feel like posting endless photos of our wedding and still yammering on about our menu choices or flower colors seems a bit, well, narcissistic?  I mean, yes, we had a lovely wedding and a good time was had by all.  But hey, since then, we got a dog, we moved house, Justin was deployed, we vacationed in Scotland, and he came home.  Are we still talking about that wedding thing?

I'm struggling to figure out a fitting way to end things over here.  Maybe I never will and this will be the last post, but maybe I will hit on something that feels right.  I'd say stay tuned, but who knows how that would turn out?  :)

"And the Guests Never Notice"

Another amazing wedding comic from Wondermark (click to enlarge)!  One of the things I love most about APW is how the above kind of anxiety-inducing cultural misconceptions are, as they say, "shame-blasted" away.  Thanks, APW, for allowing us to all recognize that our weddings are not, in fact, things we can lose at (as long as we're true to ourselves, our partners, and our values).

Wedding-ing Up Our Walls

Sorry to be away for so very, very long.  However, Justin arrived home from his deployment on August 13th and we've spent the last month or so being married again.  :)  It's been lovely and crazy and everything else that homecomings are.  

But I'm back(ish) now and wanted to share one of our recent home decorating projects.  This kind of shizz is all we do now - ripping up carpets, assembling furniture, hanging pictures, etc.  I did a fair amount while Justin was gone, he's done a good amount since he's been back, and there's always more to do (the big jobs like stripping wallpaper, painting, and refinishing wood floors may have to wait until spring at this point).

We don't have too many of our wedding photos up in the house, but we hung four 8 x 10 ones in the stairway a few weeks ago.  The photos are below, as well as the original images, in case you find it hard to make out the pictures in the grainy photos below.  Can't imagine why.  :)

Also - see that top photo?  Now see how high up it is in the stairway?  We were too lazy to get the ladder up from the basement, so that nail got hammered in and that frame hung via a very hilarious and unsafe system, i.e. me up on Justin's shoulders.  !!!  Oh well, they all got hung and we're happy seeing our wedding pics every time we walk down the stairs now.

Long Distance by the Numbers

• # of days since I've heard my husband's voice: 2
• # of days since I've seen his face: 16
• # of days since I've hugged him: 92
• # of days since he's been in his own home: 310
• # of days until I get him back: not 100% sure (nor could I tell you even if I was), but it's less than 92, at least!

Man, look at that shizz.  Is it any wonder I'm a mess?

The Measure of my Dreams

If you don't have the stomach for Super Cheese (TM), you might want to skip this post.  Because, yes, THIS exists on Facebook.  ;)

• • 
    

    Stacey If early-20s Stacey saw this & was told it was her future husband, she'd be all "Good on ya, late-20s Stacey!" ♥

    May 18 at 12:08am
  • 
    

    Justin Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww :)

    May 18 at 8:33am

(Cross-posted at Hodoeporicon)

Keeping It Real, Part II

So I know I said I was going to post fairly regularly up until my wedding anniversary, then retire the blog. However, it seems that I'm not so good at the posting regularly bit. It also seems that I'm not ready to let go yet. What is a girl to do?

For now, at least, continue to be inspired by the ladies over at A Practical Wedding.  They just wrapped up their first-ever APW Pride Week and it was great to hear from some of their same-sex couples.  I was particularly interested in this post about what male/female couples can do in their own weddings to acknowledge the current state of marriage inequality in this country.  That issue was (and continues to be!) important to Justin & I and we wanted to say something about it.  Rather than re-invent the wheel, I'll re-post my comment on that post here to let you know what we did:

We went fairly subtle with our expressions of support, but sometimes I wish we had gone bigger. A very dear friend and her wife, who had just celebrated their 2-year married-but-not-legal-in-their-state anniversary were great wedding helpers and our best man came out as bisexual less than 6 months later*. I wish we had put our feelings about marriage equality out there a bit more, if only for them. 

That being said, though, we carefully chose scripture readings that were gender-neutral, made one of our registered charities Lambda Legal, and placed the following statement in our programs, right under a memorial statement for my grandparents: 

In Solidarity
"We appreciate your support today as we join our lives together in the eyes of the law and the community. We continue to support same-sex couples who have been denied that opportunity."

*And is now engaged to his awesome boyfriend. :)

To quote our friend Spencer . . .

"Everybody's gettin' married."  :)  To wit:

• Four of my college friends are getting married over the summer (two to each other!).
• The best man at our wedding and his boyfriend got engaged in April.
• One of the couples we stayed with in Scotland got engaged the weekend after we went home (also in April).
• One of my dear college friends and his equally awesome girlfriend got engaged in May, which was followed (the same night) by a surprise engagement party.  So much fun!  
• And one of my grad school friends got engaged to her boyfriend last week!

How lovely, all of it.  With my own anniversary coming up this weekend (I promise a longer post about our irregular first year of marriage), it's so nice to hear of dear friends also taking the plunge.  Turns out, marriage is a freaking HUGE thing and harder than it looks.  This year has taught me that, if anything.  But in the end, it's so very, very worth it and it makes me feel all fuzzy inside to think of beloved friends diving in themselves. 

If two be one . . .

I posted this poem, by the first published female poet in America, a couple of weeks ago on my professional blog. One of the museums where I work is in a town where Anne lived and wrote, so we've got some things planned for the 400th anniversary of her birthday next year. Upon reflection, of course, it's a perfect piece for here, this marriage/wedding blog of mine, especially given Justin's current deployment. Enjoy!

A Letter to Her Husband, Absent upon Public Employment

by Anne Bradstreet

(1612-1672)

My head, my heart, mine eyes, my life, nay, more,

My joy, my magazine of earthly store,

If two be one, as surely thou and I,

How stayest thou there, whilst I at Ipswich lie?

So many steps, head from the heart to sever,

If but a neck, soon should we be together.

I like the Earth this season, mourn in black,

My Sun is gone so far in's zodiac,

Whom whilst I 'joyed, nor storms, nor frost I felt,

His warmth such frigid colds did cause to melt.

My chilled limbs now numbed lie forlorn;

Return; return, sweet Sol, from Capricorn;

In this dead time, alas, what can I more

Than view those fruits which through thy heat I bore?

Which sweet contentment yield me for a space,

True living pictures of their father's face.

O strange effect! now thou art southward gone,

I weary grow the tedious day so long;

But when thou northward to me shalt return,

I wish my Sun may never set, but burn

Within the Cancer of my glowing breast,

The welcome house of him my dearest guest.

Where ever, ever stay, and go not thence,

Till nature's sad decree shall call thee hence;

Flesh of thy flesh, bone of thy bone,

I here, thou there, yet but both one.

Squeee!

Lots of excitement for me last week!  Our anniversary and the above photo was listed on A Practical Wedding, along with a number of other lovely couples who were or are getting married in June.  Go check it out!  :)

Where I've Been, Second Honeymoon Edition

Sorry for not catching this blog up in forever, but here I am to finally follow up on my mysterious post of April 3rd (yikes).  I couldn't say where we were going before we went, but Justin and I spent 2 weeks in Scotland on his military leave.  I studied in Edinburgh for a semester as an undergraduate, so this was my fifth trip to Scotland.  However, my dear new(ish) husband had never been, so it was a treat showing him around.

In honor of the fact that this was in many ways a second honeymoon, I compiled the slideshow below, which features photos of the two of us.  Never mind the lovely scenery and ancient buildings - you just want to see our grinning mugs, right?  ;)

Mysterioso

I'll explain later. :)  Hint: It has something to do with a second honeymoon.

Because I love him . . .

Our best man and SBF (shared best friend) was in town this week and I got to see him & his boyfriend twice, which was pretty great. :)  Love this picture of him swinging by to visit Justin & I during the wedding party dance!

A Little Lightness

OK, enough with all the heavy stuff. ;) You people need pictures!  The above is one of my very favorite photos from our honeymoon. Just look at the cute grin on my then-new husband's face. I guess I should probably explain why we were eating on the floor on the first night of our honeymoon . . .

After a 5+ hour drive up to Montreal, we were a little tired once we arrived at the hotel, unpacked, and started thinking about dinner options. We had a bottle of red wine waiting in our room thanks to our friends Sarah, Sam, and Marla (thanks, guys!), but were debating over where to eat. Then, just as I was getting overwhelmed with the choices, the heavens opened & it started pissing down rain.

Relieved, we flipped to the take-out menu section.  Lo & behold, there was/is an Ethiopian restaurant in Montreal!  My friend introduced me to Ethiopian food in New York years ago.  Turns out - in a weird twist of fate for a girl who could happily eat cold, plain pasta 24/7 - I love me some Ethiopian cuisine.

So order it we did & when it came, we realized that the room was not well set up for dining.  However, we are not ones to stand on ceremony (we got engaged in our pjs, remember?), so we set up camp on the floor & happily dug in. And that's how it happened that my new husband & I ate dinner with our hands, on the floor, on the first night of our honeymoon. It was awesome.

Exploring the "Wif" of Wer Ond Wif

I read a really interesting (aren't they all?) post on A Practical Wedding back in January, called On Both Having & Being a Wife. The post explores a bit about what the word wife means for lesbian couples.  The comments, in the way that APW comments are wont to do, go off in all sorts of glorious directions about what terms like wife and partner mean. You should go read it all (always read the comments over there) for yourself, but in the meantime, here are some thoughts the post sparked for me.

The terms wife and husband are fine with me because they're specific, concrete. When someone says husband, I think of my Justin, not all the repressive husbands that ever were. When someone says wife, I think of myself, not a cliched 1950s housewife ideal. The honorific Mrs. is fine with me in the same way. I'm Mrs. Mylastname-Hislastname*, the only one that exists in the whole world. It's very specific to me and to my husband, who is the only Mr. Mylastname-Hislastname in the world.

All the same, I totally get the argument to use Ms. exclusively, because it intentionally applies to both single & married women and it's what I used when I was single. It's also a brilliant way to challenge people's assumptions about me, as is saying partner instead of husband (as suggested in the APW post).

I guess in the end, whatever terms feels most logical for you & your spouse is the one that's best.  I second commenter Sarah's opinion, "I am looking forward to the time when EVERYONE feels free to use meaningful terms that signify the complete import of their relationships."

*NOTE:  Those of you who know our real names are probably thinking, what the heck did she just type?  This anonymizing shorthand is used pretty often on wedding & feminist blogs when the "taking-his-name" debate crops up.  ;)

Going It Solo

Where's a husband/shopping partner when you need one? ;) No worries - I navigated this combo through the local IKEA on my own just fine, thank you!

Most of that is work stuff, but the two long boxes and tall vertical box on the dolly are our new acacia bistro set! :)  Now, we just need spring to actually show up . . .

Expectations

3 days after I said wedding vows to the love of my life & danced the night away with beloved family & friends, 2 days after I took a post-wedding cruise around Portsmouth Harbor with my husband, parents, and dear friends, 1 day after my new husband & I packed up and drove north across the Canadian border to start our honeymoon . . . I sat on a Montreal hotel bed and sobbed.

Why? Still not 100% sure, but the best guess is that the stress, excitement, and life-changing-ness of the wedding finally hit me and I needed some release. Luckily, I married an amazing man, who sat with me, soothed me, and didn't push me to just get over it & enjoy the honeymoon.  I did, eventually, get over it and enjoy the honeymoon, but I needed that time to just acknowledge how HUGE a thing a wedding is. 

And, I needed to know that I wasn't alone in my reaction. Thanks again, Team Practical, for helping us understand our weddings, warts & all.

Weddings in Random Places

More awesome (if unexpected) wedding stuff from Wondermark.  :)

(Previous awesome wedding cartoons here.)

Yikes!

Where have I gone? It's now been over 2 weeks since I posted here. I will eventually phase out posting on this blog (since I've now been married for . . . let me check the counter at the bottom of the page . . . 7 months, 3 weeks, and 5 days). However, I am hoping to get through to our first anniversary on June 26th and then retire the blog gracefully. I guess I better step it up in the meantime!

While I'm busy formulating new posts, you can head on over to this post, written by my former boss, the Curator of Strawbery Banke Museum. They're preparing for their 2012 exhibit, called "Passion for Fashion" and she's compiled a number of beautiful images of historic wedding dresses and accessories here. Check it out!

Keeping It Real

One of the things that was most important to us when we were planning the wedding was that it reflect us and how we are all the time, not just on this one, particular, OMG-super-special-and-important day.  And I do love some of the formal, posed shots, like these:

Justin, his mom, and his youngest sister

My sister and two best friends

Justin and me

Me with my lovely bridesmaids

Just after the ceremony, in front of the church (before everyone else spilled out)

Posed shot on the church's amazing oval staircase

Kissing on command by a tree in the state park where the reception site was

Streams of sunset light!

But, it's the unplanned, unpredicted, wonderfully random shots that really get me.  The ones that so often happen just out of the view of the photographer's lens.  Luckily though, we had a ninja professional photographer and two great amateur photographers in our best man & groomsman's girlfriend, so we caught a lot more of those moments that I thought would be humanly possible!  Like these:

The bride & groom, pre-ceremony, just hanging out in their apartment.  I was totally giving him shit for the black feather that our best man tucked into his hat & thought I wouldn't notice (you can see the feather in my hands, actually).

Cannot for the life of me remember what I was demonstrating to my bridesmaid, but love this shot.

Hugging my soon-to-be mother-in-law!

This is when we looked over and noticed that our old broken microwave (which we forgot to throw out before the wedding party descended on our apartment) was being used to prop open the outside door.  This was very funny to us for some reason.

Goofy face!

A groomsman with my bouquet.  Yeah, he's comfortable with bending gender roles.

My sweet sister-in-law/flower girl, laughing up at her mother.

A quick goodbye kiss before the boys headed down the street to the church.

My little monkey nephews, checking out a game on my brother-in-law's phone on our apartment building's front steps.

Well, SOMEONE had to lock the apartment before we left for the church!

Off we go!  I love the tiny sneaker you can see there between my calves - that's my littlest nephew, walking with his mama!

Someone's peeking!

The best man, groomswoman, and groomsman, goofing around between professional shots on the staircase.

Smiley bridesmaids!

Totally laughing at my mother for having whipped out her colorful reading glasses for her scripture reading.

A kiss from an old friend.

Poor Molly was very patient with Andrew..  ;)

My husband is surprise-attacking his friends with our umbrella (not visible).  Why?  Who knows?  Good thing he's cute.

Yay for sisters and best friends who get along!

This is my "I think I can do these rocks in high heels, but can I grab your arm for a little support just-in-case?" pose.

Necking during our last dance song.

The location & composition of the shot were posed;  the expressions were not.

Mmmm - even brides need a snack!

See?  :)

Our best man's infamous inside joke during the toast.  The person with his back turned and the two grinning people are the only ones who get it.

Another kiss from an old friend, and a new husband looking on with love.

In order to make the posed photos look better, the photographer made me share some of my cava with Justin so our glasses were even!  I was not amused.  ;)

No pressure in case you DO fall on those rocks in high heels, though, bride.  You only have the photographer's camera behind you and four others trained on you, as well!

A little adjustment before the fancy shots.

I was trying to smoosh frosting on his nose, but he's too quick for me.

A sweet moment caught between my best friend/bridesmaid and her boyfriend/our usher.

J and his college friends.