Because I love him . . .

Our best man and SBF (shared best friend) was in town this week and I got to see him & his boyfriend twice, which was pretty great. :)  Love this picture of him swinging by to visit Justin & I during the wedding party dance!

A Little Lightness

OK, enough with all the heavy stuff. ;) You people need pictures!  The above is one of my very favorite photos from our honeymoon. Just look at the cute grin on my then-new husband's face. I guess I should probably explain why we were eating on the floor on the first night of our honeymoon . . .

After a 5+ hour drive up to Montreal, we were a little tired once we arrived at the hotel, unpacked, and started thinking about dinner options. We had a bottle of red wine waiting in our room thanks to our friends Sarah, Sam, and Marla (thanks, guys!), but were debating over where to eat. Then, just as I was getting overwhelmed with the choices, the heavens opened & it started pissing down rain.

Relieved, we flipped to the take-out menu section.  Lo & behold, there was/is an Ethiopian restaurant in Montreal!  My friend introduced me to Ethiopian food in New York years ago.  Turns out - in a weird twist of fate for a girl who could happily eat cold, plain pasta 24/7 - I love me some Ethiopian cuisine.

So order it we did & when it came, we realized that the room was not well set up for dining.  However, we are not ones to stand on ceremony (we got engaged in our pjs, remember?), so we set up camp on the floor & happily dug in. And that's how it happened that my new husband & I ate dinner with our hands, on the floor, on the first night of our honeymoon. It was awesome.

Exploring the "Wif" of Wer Ond Wif

I read a really interesting (aren't they all?) post on A Practical Wedding back in January, called On Both Having & Being a Wife. The post explores a bit about what the word wife means for lesbian couples.  The comments, in the way that APW comments are wont to do, go off in all sorts of glorious directions about what terms like wife and partner mean. You should go read it all (always read the comments over there) for yourself, but in the meantime, here are some thoughts the post sparked for me.

The terms wife and husband are fine with me because they're specific, concrete. When someone says husband, I think of my Justin, not all the repressive husbands that ever were. When someone says wife, I think of myself, not a cliched 1950s housewife ideal. The honorific Mrs. is fine with me in the same way. I'm Mrs. Mylastname-Hislastname*, the only one that exists in the whole world. It's very specific to me and to my husband, who is the only Mr. Mylastname-Hislastname in the world.

All the same, I totally get the argument to use Ms. exclusively, because it intentionally applies to both single & married women and it's what I used when I was single. It's also a brilliant way to challenge people's assumptions about me, as is saying partner instead of husband (as suggested in the APW post).

I guess in the end, whatever terms feels most logical for you & your spouse is the one that's best.  I second commenter Sarah's opinion, "I am looking forward to the time when EVERYONE feels free to use meaningful terms that signify the complete import of their relationships."

*NOTE:  Those of you who know our real names are probably thinking, what the heck did she just type?  This anonymizing shorthand is used pretty often on wedding & feminist blogs when the "taking-his-name" debate crops up.  ;)

Going It Solo

Where's a husband/shopping partner when you need one? ;) No worries - I navigated this combo through the local IKEA on my own just fine, thank you!

Most of that is work stuff, but the two long boxes and tall vertical box on the dolly are our new acacia bistro set! :)  Now, we just need spring to actually show up . . .

Expectations

3 days after I said wedding vows to the love of my life & danced the night away with beloved family & friends, 2 days after I took a post-wedding cruise around Portsmouth Harbor with my husband, parents, and dear friends, 1 day after my new husband & I packed up and drove north across the Canadian border to start our honeymoon . . . I sat on a Montreal hotel bed and sobbed.

Why? Still not 100% sure, but the best guess is that the stress, excitement, and life-changing-ness of the wedding finally hit me and I needed some release. Luckily, I married an amazing man, who sat with me, soothed me, and didn't push me to just get over it & enjoy the honeymoon.  I did, eventually, get over it and enjoy the honeymoon, but I needed that time to just acknowledge how HUGE a thing a wedding is. 

And, I needed to know that I wasn't alone in my reaction. Thanks again, Team Practical, for helping us understand our weddings, warts & all.